The second commandment

Hi Reader,

Oh my God.

When I was young, I was taught that what I just said there was a sin. The second commandment in the Christian tradition I was raised with is “thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

Well, I’m not a Christian anymore—at least not in that sense—so I don’t know if I sinned up there or not. Or, like from my last email, if it’s a matter of opinion or taste or what. Whatever the case, I don’t think it’s very important, but here’s something I think might be:

I had a realization while on a call with my seminar group the other day that just floored me. I was almost bouncing with excitement. I got goosebumps. That’s unusual for me.

So I was listening to one of my buddies talk and she said “I’m such an anxious person. I’m so emotional.”

After she was done talking I asked if I could give her some feedback. She graciously accepted.

I reflected what she had said back to her and said, “every time I say ‘I am something-or-other,’ I tell a story that limits me. The story, ‘I am an anxious person’ keeps me anxious. The story ‘I’m so emotional’ keeps me emotional. There’s nothing wrong with feeling anxiety or having emotions, but I invite you not to put yourself in a box with this ‘I am’ language.”

I’d wager that every time I say “I am this-or-that,” I keep myself down, prevent my own growth (or avoid it), and hide from my own potential. Using the “I am” story this way puts artificial limits on me. As long as I’m “I am-ing” myself, I AM stuck.

Now, check this out:

Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain, right? So I was always taught never to say, in moments of anger or excitement or whatever, “oh my God” and especially not “Jesus Christ!”

But right there in the middle of that conversation is when it hit me: “God” isn’t the name of the Lord. It’s not even “Jesus” or “Christ.”

What did God say God’s name was? It’s right there in the burning bush story:

“Tell them ‘I AM’ sent you.”

Well, look at that. I use that name in vain all the time.

“I am bored.”

“I am too busy.”

“I am overwhelmed.”

“I am lazy.”

“I am afraid.”

“I am not good enough.”

In that moment, it hit me right in the face how much this impacts my life. I do this all over the place. It’s a total mess. And not even just the negative stuff. Positive stuff, too, like “I am totally kicking ass” limits me because all of a sudden now I need to keep trying to measure up, and I’m immediately preoccupied with continuing to kick ass instead of with being and doing whatever it is I want to be and do in the next moment that comes around.

In other words, using “I am” frivolously in this way always pulls me away from being fully present and available in this moment.

Because the only thing I am is who I am. That’s the only thing I would ever need to be, or could be in any case. Anything external that I hook up to my identity in this way is a mistake. That’s taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Insights like this feel like I’m untangling the mystery of my life. Like I’m plugging an old, dusty extension cord from decades years ago into the outlet of this moment. They give me a glimpse (level 2 knowing) into how everything is connected—including my self to myself, past, present, and future.

I have the sense that who I am in a holistic sense is a mystery I will never understand, simply because the full picture doesn’t fit in my little human brain. But every now and then, I catch a glimpse of it, and am swept up in a wave of gratitude and tears.

I think that’s coming home. I have a sense that somewhere out there is a self that is whole and complete and knows itself perfectly, and that I in some way belong to it.