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It Isn’t About You
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The Curiosity ChronicleThis week’s newsletter is brought to you by the Curiosity Chronicle. Sahil Bloom’s newsletter is one of the few I read every time it hits my inbox. If you want to know about Sahil, himself, he’s a:
Every week, he creates content that reaches millions of people across Twitter, his newsletter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and more. He’s also the author of a forthcoming non-fiction book with Penguin Random House and the Managing Partner of SRB Ventures, a $10m early-stage venture fund. Trust me, you’ll enjoy the Curiosity Chronicle.
It Isn’t About YouThis one hits home. And, I know it will for you, too. A past colleague and friend, Justin, sent me a note after last week’s newsletter. What struck Justin was a specific section of the Spotlight Effect article when I wrote The person you’re worried about judging you is worried about you judging them. What struck him the most was the idea others are worried about their issues when they get mad outwardly at you. Here are some specific examples:
Here’s the problem. When you combine the Spotlight Effect with Imposter Syndrome, it’s hard not to think It’s my fault. It’s one of the reasons we:
We focus on what we’ve done and how we’re not good enough. It’s not about you. It’s about them.
– Clint Eastwood
I write about this consistently when I say, in my words, it isn’t even about you. I’m going to take a step back and get personal because I used to be the person on the other side of the coin:
About 12 or 13 years ago, I realized I had an issue. I was suffering from Anger Dyscontrol, a pattern of anger and uncontrollable rage disproportionate to the stimulus. Bottom Line: I would get angry without reason and take it out on my loved ones. It wasn’t about my wife. It wasn’t about my children. It wasn’t about my colleagues. This was About Me and My Challenges. You see… I’d had too many concussions from a typical 80’s childhood mixed with many competitive and physical sports. I kept reading about the suicides of wrestlers, hockey and football players, which were tied to CTE and the impact of their continued brain trauma, and I realized I needed to GET HELP. I began to see a concussion specialist with a focus on reducing my anger issues and was introduced to some amazing tools and philosophies I still use today:
I was introduced to Viktor Frankl who taught me: Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
I want you to have that same experience in TWO ways:
It Isn’t About ThemThis is a topic we’re going to dive into over time. What I want you to learn when you feel anger coming on is to pause, breathe, process the situation and determine how to react from a place of purpose versus reactivity:
When you’re processing and seeking to understand, ask yourself where the anger is coming from AND recognize it generally isn’t the person in front of you or what they said. Often, it’s the feeling that it generates inside you. That same feeling that was generated in you when your parents treated you a certain way. Deep underneath, there’s often the feeling of:
Shame, my friends, is a strong one and it’s one to work on over time. It Isn’t About YouIt’s easier to realize it isn’t about you when you’ve done the work. When you’ve done the work to realize what triggers you and causes your inappropriate behavior. You can begin to see the drivers behind someone’s actions and seek to understand what drives those actions. The only challenge is you can’t do the work for them. Someone can only choose to do the work for themselves. In the interim, you can begin to set stronger boundaries in your life. You can realize you don’t need ever to accept:
You can be kind, compassionate and have strong boundaries. Thanks, Justin, for reaching out and if you have any notes, questions or comments, drop me a line – maybe you’ll inspire next week’s talk !
TGG PodcastThis week on the Growth Guide Podcast, we talked to Alex Tapscott, an entrepreneur, business author and seasoned capital markets professional. We discussed his latest book, Web3: Charting the Internet’s Next Economic and Cultural Frontier. Web3 is going to reshape the world. But, nobody teaches us what Web3 means. This book provides a simple guide to help you understand the Internet’s next economic and cultural frontier, covering a broad range of concepts, like:
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