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The Spotlight Effect
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The Spotlight EffectYou tend to think you’re the Star in other people’s movies.
But, in reality, you’re an extra in their movie at best.
– Clint Murphy
The Spotlight Effect has always fascinated me. It’s a social psychology phenomenon where you overestimate how much others pay attention to your appearance or behavior. In other words, you always feel like you’re in the Spotlight. For many people, the spotlight effect can lead to:
When you think you’re in the spotlight, you’re worried about what people will see:
You may start to dissect your appearance and behavior in a way that challenges your ability to function daily, leading to fear of judgment and social anxiety. Two other areas this can challenge you is missed opportunities and poor spending habits. Missed OpportunitiesWhen you develop social anxiety and fear of judgment, you’re less likely to put yourself in situations where you can fail or be judged. If you’re afraid of failing and being judged, you will miss opportunities to succeed. Failure, after all, is the stairway to success.
Poor Spending HabitsHow many of your poor financial decisions are made to impress others:
When you think people are studying your every move, you’re more likely to behave in a way to impress those people. In reality, they don’t notice you. They barely notice what you’re wasting your money on. Of all the areas of the spotlight effect that captivate me the most, spending habits is the key. One of the reasons you suffer from the spotlight effect is you’re more likely to notice when your appearance or behavior is different from usual, and you expect others to notice it as well. The fun part is, if we’re all living with the Spotlight Effect, the person you’re worried about judging you is worried about you judging them. Fortunately, once you’re aware of the Spotlight Effect, it can be easy to deal with it:
AwarenessAwareness is magical. Like most challenges in your life, you can’t change what you aren’t aware of. Once you’re aware of the Spotlight Effect you can proactively take steps to minimize it’s power on you. Self-distancing and External FeedbackInstead of thinking about how other people see you, Attempt to look at yourself from a perspective different from yours. Put yourself in the shoes of someone else you know or try to see yourself from a general, external perspective. If taking another person’s perspective is challenging, you can ask others for their perspective. If you’re worried about others noticing something about you, you can ask someone you trust how noticeable it is. Practice Stoic TechniquesThe Stoics knew about the Spotlight Effect. They had a simple way to deal with it, though. The Stoics would face the Spotlight Effect head on. To learn to deal with the fear of being laughed at, they’d put themselves in a position to be laughed at. To deal with the fear of embarrassment, Stoics would purposely wear ugly clothes to teach themselves not to be ashamed. If people stared at them, it would simply teach them it doesn’t matter what others think – only what they think. The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do.
– Marcus Aurelius
Next time you worry about what other people think of you, Remember, they aren’t thinking about you.
TGG PodcastThis week on the Growth Guide Podcast, we talked to Dr. Taryn Marie Stejskal, a keynote speaker, founder of the Resilience Leadership Institute, and author of The 5 Practices of Highly Resilient People: Why Some Flourish When Others Fold. Resilience is a superpower. But, nobody teaches you how to develop it. Here’s what I learned from this book that could change your life:
To learn more, listen to the podcast.
Book Summaries on SteroidsY’all know I read about 50 books a year for my podcast, The Growth Guide. One of my challenges is I often forget some of the information I pick up in the books I read. Embarrassing, I know, but I’m getting old. That’s where Shortform comes in! When Shortform first reached out, I wasn’t interested. I’ve never felt right using book summaries and never enjoyed any of the ones I tried. But, with Shortform, something seemed different the more we had a conversation, so I tried them out. F*ck, am I glad I did. Saying Shortform does book summaries is like saying Tom Brady threw a football. It doesn’t do it justice. Shortfom does book summaries on steroids. In fact, they’re the G.O.A.T. of Book Summaries and so much more. I love to use Shortform now to help me:
For example, in the next few weeks, I’m going to be joining some friends to talk about how to grow their business, and I suggested they read three books:
I’ve read each of these books in the past and remember key points from them, but I want to refresh myself, so I printed out the 1-page summaries for each book, the in-depth chapter dives and the exercises Shortform provides, and I’m back up to speed. For instance, now I can talk about:
Seriously, each of those three has significantly impacted my life and approach to business. Bottom Line: I only want to promote products I use and respect, so I’m excited to be a Shortform partner and user. And, I want to help you get access to the world’s best book guides with Shortform. If you want to check them out, use the link Shortform.com/clint, and you’ll receive a FREE trial of unlimited access and an additional 20% discount on the annual subscription.
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